giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
