we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
