Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
