Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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