We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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