My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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