Already got asked if we're dating
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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