dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
