yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
