dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
