I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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