Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize