So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
