she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize