there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
