So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
