I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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