check it out our google latitudes are spooning
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
