it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
