so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Duck Duck Cougar?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
