My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
