So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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