Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You need a sexual gate keeper
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
