No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize