it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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