Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
