Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize