Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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