I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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