Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
