We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
