Who did Billy Mays play for?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
