I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
