OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
