I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
