the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
