I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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