You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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