My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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