Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
