Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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