nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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