I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize