finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
