Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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