I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
