I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
