Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
