Don't make out with my wife yet
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
