I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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