he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
