The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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