Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
