Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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