what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
