I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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