I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
