every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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