Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
