Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
