girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
