It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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