ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
