It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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