i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
