Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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