the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
