What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
