OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
