I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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