I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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